Being a Mother. Being a Lover.

As many of you may know, my husband and I are the founders of an organization called The Union Movement, which is dedicated to bringing truth and freedom in the area of relationships and sexuality. I write on that site often, but this week the topic seems to be an absolute hybrid of The Union’s mission and the emphasis that I want to bring here at The Sanctuary.

That being said, I decided to let you know about the article. I hope it is beneficial to you!


I was certainly not the girl who had always dreamed of having children. My mom recalls that as a young girl I used to defiantly declare that I wasn’t going to have ANY because I suspected the pain of childbirth would be too much for me. However, as I started to grow up, I started to see the sorrow in my generation and realized that so much of it was due to the absence of fathers and mothers in their life.

I began to see that motherhood was a powerful, underrated force.

Have you noticed that we can often take some of the most profound things for granted? They are the things that we were designed to have in our lives. Without them, we begin to malfunction. Things like pure water. Things like whole-hearted mothers.


And so, I began to dream of being a mother, beyond biologically having children. I began to see that a mother was made to be a nurturer of the life around her, and I wanted to contribute that. So, as a nineteen year old I would pray for the ability to mother.


The essence of being a parent is to sacrifice for the sake of the next generation.

It is to take your stand as a sun or moon in the universe of your children, not in a ego-centric way, but as an offering of warmth, light and gravity in order to bring life, rhythm, and stability to the young ones. 

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What a selfless role to take. The young need us. And the day will come when they will be needed in the same way. It is a baton that we have passed on from one generation to the next.

The spirit of a true mother does not walk into a room and demand that all eyes fix on her. The heart of an authentic mother does not whine or pout when she is not the centre of attention. Rather, her eyes sparkle to see her children highlighted and honoured. She is filled with great contentment when her son or daughter is fulfilling their dream. She sacrifices to make it possible. Even now I paused to pray for strength to be a mother more like this.

Imagine a world where every child had parents like this? It could repair so much of the world.

It is this attitude that led Teressa to Calcutta, India to work among the poor, and led Florence Nightingale to abandon a traditional life for the sake of reforming health care among the devastated soldiers of the Crimean War. 

The question is, how can a woman navigate the significantly different roles of mother and lover?